Thursday, 17 January 2013

The voice of Few

Why would you want to Adopt?
The question came from a few very close friends and family. Just a few. Very few but they were very close to me.
I was dumbfounded.
I wasn't expecting it. The voice of a few seemed to come from nowhere - except for the fact I had just told them that I had been accepted by an Adoption Agency - but I was not expecting the responses I had from them, the few, at all. I was expecting hugs of delight and congratulations and phrases like: Oh, it is what you have always wanted and you will be a fabulous Mum.
That is the response I was expecting from them.
I thought they would be pleased.
Not everyone was pleased.
I hadn't prepared for this response.
The question of why. The rhetoric question it seemed.
The voice of  Few.
The voice of few was extremely powerful and strong.
The question stopped me in my tracks. I was like a rabbit dazzled in the headlights.
Without waiting for a response, the questions, or rather statements, the negativity, continued to flow. Like a barrage the words flew, I was bombarded and overwhelmed. I felt attacked.  I wasn't ready. I had no armour. With each statement I wanted to cry. I fought back the tears and waited for the questions, the statements, the negative comments to end.
You do realise that you won't get any choice, don't you. You will just be given a child and you won't be able to say no, you know.
How could you possibly parent a child. It's not easy you know. And on your own.
How will you mange?
Children need a Mum and a Dad.
You are single.
Have you ever really come to terms with being single? Really?
What on earth made you think of doing that?
Don't you realise what they will be like. You should go to one of those orphanage places and see them for yourself. Don't you realise what you will be getting?
Who will help you?
What will it be like when you are 70?
What if you are given a boy? What will you do?
When you adopt, you don't know what you are getting, you know.
You won't be given anything, you know, they won't come with anything.
Adopt? Why? Don't do it. What kind of man will take you on and a child?
Aren't you happy with your job? isn't that enough? You have always worked with children, so you don't need to adopt. Your job is satisfying enough, for you, surely.
The cruel and unkind words stung like ice and felt like a knife that pierced deep and was twisting as I flinched with pain with each statement.
I withdrew, speechless and ran and hid away from the voice of Few.
I thought they would be pleased.
I cried and sobbed for weeks.

1 comment:

  1. Hi, new reader here, just found your site. Sadly I can commiserate here, isn't it strange, the things people say? Like I'd have any say in gender were my husband and I pregnant (I have no husband, but you get my drift). Like were I married and expecting, my new baby would "come with stuff". Uh, yeah, gathering "stuff" is what new parents do! *sigh* sometimes people are stupid.


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