Thursday, 10 January 2013

The Revolving Door September 2010

I tentatively looked at the Adoption website for my Local Authority. It said that you could consider becoming an adopter if you were single. After several months and sending off for an information pack and laying it to rest and then picking up the idea, I took the bull by the horns and pushed the door.
I knew that I wanted children.
I longed for family.
Maybe this is it.
Maybe the urban myth of me being too old to adopt, or the one that said you can't adopt if you are single or you can't adopt if you have a faith, or the one that said you can't adopt if you don't have a garden simply weren't true? These urban myths played over and over again in my head as being true and were convincing. Time was ticking. The time bomb of my mid 40's crisis happened. I frequently wept watching programmes like One Born Every Minute and have been known to boycott Wedding invites or Christenings over the years. I admit to having deleted some friends from FB at times when they have been over-gushing, I have felt, in their tales of their wonderful husbands or lots of photos of their baby photos and news of scans. My turn seemed to be a long time in coming. At these such times, their joy has been my pain.
Now, here I am.
At the crossroads.
The Revolving Door ahead.
I longed to be married and to have children but had finally begun to separate the desire to be married from the desire to have children. I can't change the desire to be married. I can't make that one happen.It may or may not happen. Ouch. Maybe I can change the desire to have children. Maybe. I have closed the door to fostering on my own at this time, so maybe Adoption is my Option? Artificial Insemination filled me with dread. The thought of it made me want to cross my legs. Firmly. Yes, I have thought of it. Many times. Many pub conversations with friends, over the years. No. AI is not for me.
I bet I'm too old for a baby and I bet they say no, I reminded myself once again but I filled in the on line form anyway and pressed send.
That was in the September 2010.
The Revolving Door of Adoption being an Option for me, was turning.
And I waited for a response.

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