Monday, 11 February 2013

All About Love - The Tricky Moments - Day 11

We've had a few tricky moments it has to be said since PJ arrived these last few months. All to be expected and most things were written about, so no real surprises but still they can take their toll when they occur. Unsettled sleep, tears, tantrums, hitting, kicking, wet pants often occur after professionals visit and can last on and off for a few days or up to a week and any new place or experience can trigger some of these "behaviours" to re-emerge again too.
The other week PJ was off nursery ill and so getting back into the routine of going again has been hard work and is at times emotionally draining, for us both. During the week she was off we spent a lot of time having some of those lovely nurturing and bonding mother daughter moments, snuggled on the sofa watching a lot of CBeebies and some favourite DVDs. It has been great for the bonding but the wrench and the separation anxiety is not so fun to work through when it is time to go to nursery again. We will get there but it is like being back at square one again - although in reality I know we are not at square one. This is just a blip. It is hard and I have to remind myself of how far we have come - in such a short time. She usually now loves Nursery and is usually happy to wave me off and is equally delighted to see me when i return to pick her up. She has her cuddly toy that we chose together just after she started Nursery, this cuddly toy, an elephant named Sally Suzanne, whose special job is to remind her that I will be back soon. Mummy will come back, I tell her, that's what Mummy's do. We come back. Soon. She has this same cuddly toy at night time too and she is there when I leave the bedroom at night to remind PJ that Mummy will be back soon. The system works and PJ's anxieties are much lessened. However, since this recent illness her little boat of stability has been rocked. Her resilience is weak and the gaps of her realising that even when we are apart I still love her and even when she can't see me, I still exist and I will be back soon. She can trust me. She is safe in her bedroom and safe at Nursery. Re-embedding this again is hard work. Nursery have been really good understanding - well they knew we were much later arriving than usual and they heard her tears and pleads of just wanting to go back home - and have arranged a swap of the sessions she missed so we can ease her back in to going again, very much like we did when she first started Nursery when she was first placed with me. this will mean for us she will not have the break for a half term at a potentially vulnerable time, we will just keep working at getting back into the routine of going to Nursery. Last week, on returning to Nursery after she had been ill, we had tears and considerable distress getting out of the house and into the car and the challenge of calming down enough to be able to calmly put her in the car seat. It was really hard. She just wanted to stay at home and not go to Nursery. It was an hour to get from the house into the car. Today was much the same, although much calmer once we got into the car. Half an hour ish. When you want to go anywhere, allow plenty of time. The foster carers had said. No kidding. Thoughts of me returning to work and her starting school - and her perhaps not wanting to go to school flash before me - Oh, well - it will only be 12 years or so of school....

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