|Discovering magical reindeer in the Winter time|
Of course, the added benefit of these beauties being associated with Santa has been a source of great delight over Christmastime and we collected a few ornaments for our tree this year, our First Christmas for PJ and I together. I realised that I needed to try and create some ownership and generate and opportunity for connectedness, when I first got the decorations out of their boxes. It was met with tears, tantrums and a few decorations got thrown across the room. We had been out earlier in the day to get a tree together, which I thought would suffice.
As I unpacked some of my precious ornaments, I realised that they were just taht. They were precious to me. Just me. They had been gifts from family or friends and each of the ones I had chosen for myself had been selected with great care. Memories re-kindled right there, with each ornament being revealed from it's wrapping. The unveiling of a story, a moment, a friendship to be displayed for all to see like treasures, glistening like colourful jewels. PJ didn't share any of these memories. To her, at this moment, this is just stuff coming out of a box. They hold no memory for her and indeed, the memories that are being triggered for her as I take out this stuff, I know not of. What does Christmas mean for her? What has she experienced in her short life so far at this time of year? Were there happy memories? More reminders of what she has lost? Memories of past trauma? More reminders of the tremendous upheaval she has experienced these last few months in coming to me and that being added to all that has gone on before that, too. I can only guess.
After the boundaries had been re-established - we don't throw things in our family and her tears had subsided and we had shared a hug, we went out shopping. We chose some decorations together. We went to a place that had one of those shopping trolleys with a child sized car attached. Off we went, zooming in and out, steering at times rather precariously around the myriads of colourful decorations. Stop! She would suddenly say as she halted momentarily to get out of her car and hand pick some decorations. Let's sing a concert, Mummy, she would say and get back in the car and off we would go again, with me running after her, until she decided which colours and shapes gleamed appealingly to her Magpie eyes. Some choices I declared too many things, a few I simply put back on the shelves, without her knowing, as we raced along. We arrived at the till to pay and both beamed with joy at our selections: robots, cupcakes, bells, baubles and a reindeer.
We got home and decorated the tree and the house. At bedtime, PJ asked which was my favourite decoration and then she pointed to one she liked. The next day she told friends we had a beautiful Christmas tree and asked if they would like to come and see it. Often, she would say during the next few weeks: Mummy, look at our amazing and beautiful tree.
In the lead up to Christmas, we fed reindeer when we went to see Santa, randomly spotted them when we went for Winter walks and at night saw them magically all lit up, all glistening and wintry white.
I think, for me, reindeer will always from now on, evoke some rather magical memories for me:
Our First Christmas together.
|Winter white Reindeer|