Friday 15 March 2013

Making Contact

We have contact with PJ's siblings planned soon. It will be my first contact with her siblings since PJ has been with me and it will be 9 months since PJ has seen one of her siblings and a year since she has seen the other one. The plan is for us all to meet up together one day twice a year.
That is the plan.
It has proved difficult already playing diaries to arrange meeting up.
I am anticipating that there might be a knock on effect after sibling contact for PJ as she readjusts to seeing them, as the realities of her siblings all living apart and a long far away from each other kicks in and as the aftermath of having sibling contact takes it's toll.
I have mixed feelings but will give it my best shot.
"It will be a bit like seeing your cousins twice a year, " I have been told.
 Except they are not cousins.
 They are siblings.
Siblings who have been uprooted and torn apart and re-grouped into new families as a result of all that has happened.
I will be there to pick up the pieces, of course. I will be there to help unravel and re-ravel. I will be there to have fun and to enjoy and to reminisce. I will be there to help PJ find her balance once again. I will be there through the possible unsettled nights and tears and tantrums and other behaviours that PJ might regress too after contact.
The regression may not happen.
PJ might love the day and take it as it comes and not have a reaction after contact.
It is all unknown.
My experience of contact has been through various work contexts where children have been unsettled just before contact and then on the day of contact and then after contact. They have questioned, processed and articulated very clearly their wishes and feelings and also reacted through their behaviours and emotions with the unspoken words with: anger, frustration, tears, aggression, withdrawing. I have journeyed with these children daily and supported and listened and tried to help them process and reconnect and re balance themselves.
I hope to use these skills if needed to be there for PJ.
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              

12 comments:

  1. Hope everything goes ok hope she loves seeing siblings! Have an amazing weekend! x

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    1. thanks for your kind wishes. I hope it goes well too.

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  2. Urgh - I'm so glad I won't have to do this! You seem to have a very balanced view of it though, and you're right, whatever happens, you will be there for PJ, and that counts for such a lot :)

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    1. Thanks - I am trying to remain balanced but it isn't easy, especially the fear of the knock on effect. the aftermath.fills me with dread.

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  3. My fingers are crossed for you - hope it all goes okay! X.

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  4. Good luck, I hope it goes smoothly and calmly, but it sounds like you're as prepared as you can be for it to be difficult for PJ to handle. She might surprise you, I hope she does, and that it's a positive experience for everyone xx

    Thanks for linking up with the Weekly Adoption Shout Out x

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    1. I am hoping for a positive experience too. thanks x

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  5. It's the unknown that often is most scary and not knowing what sort of reaction you will get must be difficult during the build up. Your experiences make you better prepared than most and once you've been through it this time you'll be even better prepared for the next. Hope PJ enjoys seeing her siblings. x

    Thanks for Linking up with the Weekly Adoption Shout Out

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    1. I hope my experiences will help PJ and I prepare for the day. She is excited at the thought of seeing her siblings, so hopefully it will go well.

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  6. You will find the way, for sure! Find the way that makes the importance and the benefits outweigh the torment and the tribulations.

    Just a though: we find the 'run up' more tense and difficult than the 'aftermath'. We experience both, but before is much harder. After is more about assimilating what happened, understanding it. Before is fear and worry and 'the black hole' of fantasy that is so dangerous because our kids fill lack of information with make believe.

    For me, I find the adults harder to deal with than the children - much harder. So many agendas, so little focus on what is important; brothers and sisters being - brothers and sisters. Big 'sister's' FCers constantly say - "well really they are like cousins": it drives me insane. We see her at least three times a year, they live very far away.

    Here if you need anything, Mx

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    1. the they are like cousins phrase does my head in too. I have some armour at the ready in preparation and hope that PJ and I can focus on her enjoying her siblings, which is what it is all about. thanks M.

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