The ups and downs of today have been typical of what can happen over a month or more - except that today, we have had it all in a day. I guess it sometimes happens this way.
We ride the surf, dip with the roller coaster ride and make the climb back up the hill to take the breathtaking view from the mountaintop.
PJ has a cold which started a couple of days ago, so at 6.30am she awoke saying she had earache and then promptly went back to sleep again. 7.50am PJ awoke, her nappy had leaked so we changed the bed, said hello to the cat and chased him downstairs for breakfast. Cereal. Today it was requested without milk. We went back upstairs to get dressed and then came back downstairs to watch a bit of CBeebies whilst I get ready, do some jobs and start the washing. The tears started when her drink spilled on her top and the top I got out the drawer to replace it, was not liked. I don't like that one, I want a different one. We had similar later with sobs, complete with snotty nose, over a change of leggings because a pink pair would be preferred to the blue pair I got form the drawer. on each occasion, I gave a hug, said no, reassured and asked again what it was we were about to go downstairs to do - watch telly - or play - and eventually the clothes were obligingly put on with considerable help, quickly and we went back downstairs.
We had tears over which DVD or CBeebies or how many programmes we were going to watch and I stood my ground. We had No's and not that toy, or that one, over suggestions of which toys might be played with. One toy would be suggested and seemingly agreed on but then when the toy was produced it was met with lots of No's and shaking of hands and head and tears. Today was play date with a wee friend - but the first time they had come to us, so I sensed a battle with control. Eventually, I struck gold and a quick suggestion alongside producing the toys and continuing to put them out ready and the tears subsided and a look of delight took hold. Briefly. PJ wanted to play with the toys in the hallway but I said no and then the tears and throwing of toys began. I tried diffusing the situation but a meltdown occurred. I went to sooth and got hit in the crossfire. I put her on the bottom step of the stairs and repeated the word No. Calm restored.
A friend of mine arrives for coffee en route, as the washing machine whirrs, with some welcome gifts for PJ and a new game is played together at the table, with PJ sitting on my lap and happily playing the matching game and chats happily to my friend who she has met once before, a few months ago.
PJ's wee play date friend arrives and all is well. They play well, my friend leaves to travel a long journey home, leaving me and PJ and wee play date friend and their Mum to chat and drink more coffee as the children play. A little aggression starts with some boundary pushing over a few familiar issues - can we go and see the cat, can we jump on the beds - which results in some hitting and kicking after the boundary is re-set. The step at the bottom of the stairs and a firm No results in the hitting and kicking continuing. Random, nearby items are grabbed and thrown: shoes and a basket. Each are removed and another hit in the response to the reminder of a No. I pick PJ up and carry her to her room and put her in her room, re- affirm that I do not like being hit and that it hurts and that we do not hit and go back downstairs. I am thankful for friends who go through similar experiences being around at times like this. My friend who came today for the wee play date has adopted her children too - so yes, she says, she carries one of her little ones to their room too, over similar issues and after similar responses to a No. by the time I am downstairs I am asking PJ if she is ready and she is saying yes and we go downstairs. It is time to say good bye to our wee play date friend and to tidy up together and then have lunch. We have a meltdown over tidying up. Toys thrown and then a quick recovery as I say she can watch some telly whilst I get lunch after we have tidied up together. it all gets done pretty good. More tears over lunch as she asks for a blanket to eat her lunch with and I say no and suggest a hoody if she is cold. The tears came because it seems as if only the blanket would do. I stood my ground again. After lunch we go out and get some jobs done. She lets me put on her shoes and gets in the buggy, asks for a blanket and sits really well as we got to a couple of shops. We return home to sign the birthday cards we are about to deliver and get in the car and go. It all goes smoothly and the present giving is a fun activity - and there is cake to share! We go to a nearby park and run around and play for a while before saying goodbye and getting back in the car to return home. A very quiet PJ, watching a DVD for our usually much loved and looked forward to weekly movie night - and PJ is clearly not feeling all that great - although her temperature still reads as OK.
It has been a busy day - with several things happening, seemingly all at once. This is life and some days are busy like this. Some days do have the emotional ups and downs, with the ups of the smiles and laughter and shared I love you moments and the downs of the hitting and kicking and tears and meltdowns and the pushing of boundaries.
I have remained firm and calm.
Probably helped along by drinking coffee with friends today.
The days has gotten easier as the day has gone on - and maybe the triggers of worry for PJ with 2 x different sets of friends coming to our house this morning on top of her not quite feeling well with her cold, caused more meltdowns and the regressive behaviours we have known to rear their ugly heads once more. Fleetingly.
Maybe an afternoon of the familiar - shopping, visiting a more familiar friend with the promise of a run around in theor local park and ending with the familiar movie night - has helped to calm the storm and for the ups and downs to stay on an even keel for a while.
The truth is, we could analyse the triggers for hours but both I and PJ have to cope with change and cope with both the familiar, the unfamiliar and the busy days and the calmer moments.
We both have to cope and in the meantime I have to go with the ups and the downs of our worlds. Where 2 worlds have collided.
7 months ago.
This post is linked in with the Weekly Adoption shout Out - #WASO - check it out, of you haven't already!